I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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