You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
