I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
