I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just want nice things and good sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
