Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize