do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
