So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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