just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
