OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
