apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
