nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
