i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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