His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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