cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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