Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
