For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
