You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
