I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
