I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
