Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
