Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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