What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
