Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
