Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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