those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
