i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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