my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
