btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
