It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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