We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
