his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
