I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think i got beer on your cat.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
