so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize