One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
