i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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