now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize