this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize