Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My life is pants optional.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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