i wish there were pregnant emoticons
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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