that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
