Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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