At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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