I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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