walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
