Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
