oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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