My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
