words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
