hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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