toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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