I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
