it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
