I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
