I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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