Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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