my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
