I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
