I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
