Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
