you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
