I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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