Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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