Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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