Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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