i just google imaged poop.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
