i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
