I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
