Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
